Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

What should I do about my mom?

I’m a 15 year-old Asian American girl. Although I know she tries not to be too harsh, my mom does freak out at me sometimes. She has told me to my face, in front of my family, that no one likes me, 

that I have a disgusting personality, and that she signed me up for therapy(which I did for 7 months and didn’t at all enjoy). She has said these things on multiple occasions, even seconds before dropping me off at school one time. This was mainly happening when I was 14. I can admit that I was a teenager with attitude, which is why she said these things to me. I cannot fully explain every detail leading up to this. We have always had a bit of tension. Anyway, a year later, I still remember every word she said and I still think about it every night. Because of this, I don’t think I’ve ever treated my mom the same after she said those things to me. Every day, especially during quarantine, tension has been building up with little fights and arguments. I know these things wouldn’t be happening if those hurtful words never left her mouth. I don’t want our relationship to be this way, however I just don’t think I can think of her like I used to. Part of what contributes to this is her favoritism toward her husband, my sister, and even my step-siblings. We’ve never really had a meaningful and honest conversation, which is why I don’t want/know how to tell her how I feel.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you. (If you have any questions, please let me know.)

3 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are very articulate. Therefore. I think it would be a good idea to put these feelings in writing and present it to your mom. 

    Admit your pitfalls, express your feelings of being hurt, all this time later, by her hurtful words that linger in your thoughts. Voice how you feel like an outsider. Be honest about how you want things to go in the future. Be sincere and open,  forgive and ask for forgiveness. Hopefully you can press the reset button and carry on with a fresh start. 

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  • Carmen
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    Hello troubled one it takes 2 to make things right as you mentioned you had a unfavorable teenage attitude at the time you mentioned your new family life style as well as contributing factors in this relationship with you and your step mom specifically the only way you might help your stepmom have a change of heart or attitude is if you do the same every action will have a reaction good or bad pray for a calm heart peace in your family a better relationship with with your new family especially your stepmom pray for self control as far as it depends on you be peaceful this can turn around but not by itself everyone has a part to play. Hope things get better. 

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  • 1 month ago

    So you are 1) a teenage girl. 2) the product of a broken marriage. 3) in the middle of learning to live with a new man in the house. 4) you share your mother with a strange man and step-siblings 5) you share your mother with your sister. That's a lot FOR YOU to deal with. It's even more, A LOT, for your mother to deal with. She's had to introduce a new man into her little family of 2 daughters. Introduce and become a mother to (I presume) motherless children who need attention. Try and get her daughters to accept these new additions to the family. Put yourself into her position. Ok, you wouldn't have got the new man and ready-made kids......but the fact is, they are here. She's juggling all this and has a stroppy teenage daughter who is smarting because she's lost her dad and can't settle to the new regime. She has snapped and said hurtful things to you. I'm almost certain that YOU probably said horrible things to her as well. Something must have set off this normally loving woman to say terrible things to you in anger. She DID try and help you. She paid for you to have therapy. OK you hated it, but it was something she was trying to do to help you.....even if it didn't. I would suggest you have counselling. The therapist would have been the ideal person....but you were so anti at the age of 14, you didn't want to be 'helped'. Nowadays, there is usually some sort of counsellor available at school. Try and get an appointment with him/her when you are back in school and just let it all out. How you feel. What's gone wrong in your life. Do you see your father? Can you talk to him? A neutral counsellor or therapist would be better rather than a family member as they are too close to your issues (this would include your father). Try the school counsellor. You are 15 and full of haywire hormones at the moment. It's a difficult age to be even if your life was like Heaven.....and yours isn't is that makes your situation a lot different and harder to bear.

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    • 1 month agoReport

      3. Right after my first therapy session, I knew the therapist I had wasn’t at all for me. I WANTED to continue therapy, and I asked my mom for a different therapist. She refused every time, and I was stuck with someone I disliked for 7 months because she was the cheapest choice.

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